By JENNIFER JOHNSON

My dear, sweet first baby,

This is the only letter I've written to someone who isn't even alive yet. I wonder what it's like for you where you are now. I wonder if you're getting impatient with me and anxious at the same time to come down to this world. I imagine you may be a little nervous too; it's a scary place sometimes. But don't worry I'll take good care of you.

I dream about you a lot. Sometimes I picture you as a handsome little baby boy and sometimes I see you as my darling daughter. Maybe it's you and your siblings I'm dreaming about. You're all beautiful beautiful little sprits I'm already in love with. Sometimes the dreams feel so real, I wake up wondering where you are. Those dreams scare me a little, and make me think you're ready to come down right now. It makes me feel like we'll be together soon much sooner than I thought.

I can't wait to meet you, baby, but let's not be too hasty first things first. When your dad and I start trying to get you to come down, don't get cold feet ok? We're hoping and praying you'll be ready when we are and make your debut right away. I have friends who say the first time was was a charm or even better, they conceived while they were still preventing. I guess their children weren’t taking “no” for an answer. I’m glad you’ve obeyed me so far we’re getting off to a good start. But I have plenty other friends who tell me it took them awhile years, even. That seems like such a long time. I'm glad you've obeyed me so far and stayed put; we're getting off to a good start. But when the script flips and I ask for you to come down, please do, okay?

I hope you and my system get along. I don't get sick a lot, so if while you're growing inside me I don't feel too good, don't worry; I'll still be just as happy to have you. It may not always seem that way. But I will. Promise. Especially when I can feel you in my stomach. I have friends who are pregnant now, and one mommy-to-be tells me she can feel her baby in her stomach already, at just a few months. She says it feels like tickles. I've heard other people say it feels like butterflies. I can't wait to feel that beautiful feeling.

I hope you understand how big of a life change this will be for me. I thought I'd be much older when I was ready to have you, but lately I've been thinking about you all of the time. I think you and I are both ready for you to be here. I'm not saying things are going to be perfect right away actually they'll never be perfect. If I've learned anything in my 23 years of life, it's that things don't always go the way you plan. But I'm a firm believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason. No matter the challenges we face as a family, I promise to love you more than anything.

I've heard it said time and again that once a mother holds her baby in her arms, the amount of love that swells in her heart is overwhelming. It's something I've been told I can't imagine until I experience it. For me, it's not that hard to believe, actually. Though we haven't met, I love you already. I know my love for you can only grow, and I'm excited for that. I'm excited to meet you my first child.

Love,

Your Mommy

About our MyBrownBaby contributor:
Future mama Jennifer Johnson chronicles her journey toward motherhood on her blog, Baby Makin(g) Machine.

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13 Comments

  1. That’s beautiful. I feel that same way. 🙂

  2. beautiful!

  3. Felicia - I complete Me

    This is so beautiful. I love it. Have you read supernatural childbirth?

  4. Great letter! Make sure you print it out on pretty paper and have it in the baby book or a journal filled with letters to your child. Such a great keepsake.

  5. Michele @ The Integrated Mother

    Oh the sweet words of a mother-to-be. Beautiful! Thank you for sharing and reminding us how wonderful it was (and is) to be a mother.

  6. What a touching letter.

  7. You all are so sweet, thank you so much! And Elizabeth… thanks for the printing it out idea! I think I’ll do just that! 🙂

  8. I’ve felt that exact feeling you’re talking about–it really is overwhelming! And then that feeling of awe that the child was sent to you. It’s amazing.

  9. I love your blog – it’s so pretty! And I loved your post too. My baby is five now and your post stirs up so much. I tucked my letters to Sean in his baby book and someday he will read them and know how much he was wanted.

  10. MBB Founder and Editor Denene Millner

    @Antique Mommy: Thank you SO much for the compliment. Your Sean is a lucky boy to have a mom who took the time to let him know he is loved!

  11. That's beautiful. I should write a letter to my future baby too. I pray for them all the time.

  12. omg, it's one of amazing letters I ever read.
    baby crib

  13. I love your letter! It is so beautiful. I am 22 weeks pregnant and I recently started talking to my baby. I know he hears me and he loves it when I talk to him. I was talking to him earlier this evening and I felt him kicking and moving around in response and then when I stopped talking to him he stopped moving. I know he feels the love that I have for him. I believe the love that we give to our children is what helps them grow and develop the most. And I believe I feel him loving me back. The only thing that I would disagree with you on is what you said about not being alive yet. Even before they are born babies are very much alive!

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