Forgive me for being naïve, but really? Guys GROWN men still run up behind women GROWN women they don't know and rub all up on their booties on the dance floor at the club?


I mean, I assumed that at age *whispers number in cupped hand* we'd be able to walk into a club and hear a little old school LL Cool J, Black Sheep, and Mary J., and, oh, I don't know, be able to dance with abandon, without some random guy thinking that my ability to drop it like it's hot gives him automatic license to attach himself to my nether regions.

But apparently, somebody forgot to give me and my girls 13 deep on our latest Girls Night Out adventure the memo that rings, tight girlfriend dance circles, and really polite, Thank you, I'm flattered, but I'm chilling with my girls beg-offs would mean nothing to men looking to get their dance floor freak-on with any woman moving.

One guy, dancing thisclose to my girl, even cussed me out because I politely told him that if he wanted to dance with her, me, or any of the other women in our group, he should be a gentleman about it and just, oh, I don't know, ask.

Me: No disrespect we're just chillin' right now.

Him: Well if you didn't want to dance you should have stayed your ass home, then.

Me: Really brother, I'm not trying to be mean, it's just that guys have been coming up behind us all night

Him: Whatever, swamp trailer trash beyotch.

Me: *jaw on the ground, eyebrows furled, clearly confused.* Well damn.

I should disclose that during our Girls Night Out email planning, our girl Tina asked if we should bring our husbands so we'd have someone to dance with a suggestion that was roundly clowned right up until we sipped the last of our pomegranate martinis and walked onto the dance floor.

And then, as we cut up and got down and giggled and twisted some more, we started looking around us noticed how jaded and bored the women looked. And how cocky and sure the men seemed like they were clear that because the women outnumbered them doggone near three to one, they didn't have to be bothered with such niceties as offering to buy a lady a drink, or using their grown-up words to strike up a conversation, or even taking the time to say five simple, polite words that a typical gentlemen would employ at a club: Would you like to dance?

It's a shame that Old School Night couldn't be a return to old school values, when guys and girls were both out there to enjoy the music, and moving bodies didn't serve as an invitation to pantomimed intercourse in the middle of the dance floor. Honestly, I thought this was a phenomenon of our BET-fed, video ho-obsessed teenagers, who don't know how to dance together without the grinding of private parts and rap video simulations.

We 30-plusses know better, though.

At least I thought we did.

Still, not all was lost: We had a helluva good time despite the roomful of fools who wouldn't understand r-e-s-p-e-c-t if Aretha Franklin pimp slapped them with a Respect 8-track. That's how we girlfriends do on Girls Night Out. And Mr. ThisClose did come back over and apologize for his ridiculous behavior and extremely hurtful words.

But I think my girls and I will take Tina's advice the next time and bring the boys along when we hit the club and keep our Girls Night Out adventures in venues that check pretenses, desperation, bitterness, and childish behavior at the door.

Nothing but good times.

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  1. Oh, Word?! Dudes still get down like that??? I thought I left that behind in undergrad! Wow, I haven’t really been to a club-type venue w/out Kris in a minute, and it’s a damn shame that after reading this — I won’t! Well, forget THEM! Just like women keep having to deal with those type of BOYS, they’ll keep having to deal with women like us, and perhaps eventually, they’ll learn a thing or too.

    Fingers crossed on left hand and fist balled up on right hand,


  2. Geeez. Now here I was thinking that the older… uh… I’m mean, more mature crowd knew how to act in public. Assuming that they really were more mature… (remembers my daughter’s dad’s age and slaps self for thinking such bullsh*t, lol).

    I had to just removed myself from the club scene all together for this reason. I got tired of having guys all over me, having to fight them off all night instead of enjoy myself by working up a black sweat. It happens to me and my girl every time we go out. We’ll be dancing, having fun, and here comes the dude, all up in our mix. She’ll grab my hand and storm off… and dude will be in hot pursuit!!! Lol. Not even getting the damn message. So, I just had to give it up. Until I can find a nice place to hang out… and someone to hang out there with me (my girs doesn’t dig the old school scene) I’ll just keep myself at home with my stereo.

  3. What a funny story. Thanks for sharing.

  4. That is exactly why I quit going to the clubs. And forget wearing a cute dress or something. Your underwear will be down on your thighs faster than you can scream “rape.” These guys are no joke and they think because the lights are dim, the drinks are flowing and the music is thumping that it’s okay to act a fool. I just can’t. I refuse.


  5. I was single way up in to my 30s. A whisper from 40, actually. So I can verify that gentlemen are few and far between in the clubs. Most of the ones our age that are still out there in the clubs are either cheating, divorced or confirmed bachelors. In fact, I met my partner (a very sweet, responsible, divorced man) by way of a cheating, divorced, confirmed bachelor that I met at a happy hour. Yes, this guy was all three.

    I thought I’d never stop going out every now and then to get my dance on, but since having my son, I just have no desire to be in that environment again.

  6. It is so sad the most men that you meet in the clubs are only out for one thing. And things aren’t getting any better when the young girls are dressing they way they do like her I am come get me. Where is the respect.

  7. Oh no! I'm in my twenties and am already tired of that nonsense. I had high hopes that it got better in the years to come, but, you know what, it doesn't even surprise me that much. Dudes are in their own world as it is, and if they're doing that mess when they're 25, chances are at least some of them are still doing it 35 and 45 because they're not all mature and settled yet. I actually have a few memories of older men doing the dancefloor pounce on me (in which case I had to sprint across the dancefloor, of course, lol)…smh

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