The thing is, I get it: I understand the logic behind wanting to make sure that sexually-active boys protect themselves and their partners from disease and pregnancy if they’re getting it in. Lord knows the statistics support the need: Black teens represent 69 percent of AIDS cases reported among 13- to 19-year-olds, and teen girls represent 39 percent of AIDS cases reported among the same age group. Somebody needs to do some fast talking to our young folk about the importance of wrapping it up.
But condoms for tweens?
Uh huh, you read that right: A condom manufacturer in Switzerland plans to sell “extra small” prophylactics designed to fit boys as young as 12. The company says it designed the “Hot Shot” condoms after research showed sexually-active boys between ages 12 and 14 are less likely to use condoms. Apparently, average-sized condoms are get this too big for their little tykes.
Um, you think? I never really thought about it up until this very moment, but I’m guessing that the company that pumps out the gold packs didn’t design them with a 12-year-old in mind.
And really, have we finally reached the point in our society where we’re going to make it easy for our kids our babies to, like, get some? And are we really expected to co-sign it? Who, exactly, is supposed to buy these little jewels for our sons’, um, family jewels? What’s he going to use to buy them his lunch money? Should I pick them up while I’m at the Kroger buying juice boxes and Snickers bars? Or maybe they’ll have a nice little convenient display in the toy section at my local Tar-jay; we can pick up a new Wii game and a box of Hot Shots, you know, so our tween sons can really get their play on.
Call me a prude/old school/unrealistic/naive, but this ain’t right.
Hey, here’s an idea: Instead of co-signing the manufacturing of tot condoms, maybe just maybe we parents can do our jobs you know, go on ahead and lay down this tough but apparently necessary edict to our scooter-riding, Nintendo-addicted, booger-flicking-for-kicks set: If your peen is too small to fit the average-sized condom, keep it in your pants you’re probably too young to have sex. (With apologies to the, ahem, stick-challenged grown-up guys who may be excited by this new development clearly, my kid-centric message is not for you. And, er, good luck with that.)