From Miscarriage to Miracle: This Is My Testimony
By Ekene Onu
A little over three years ago, I stood in front of my bathroom mirror, looked down at my hand and promised myself and God that I would testify. Since then, I have several times. And each time it touches someone. Today, I feel called upon to share this story one more time.
When my husband and I knew that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, the only thing we wanted as much as being together was the gift of a child. And when I got pregnant shortly after we were married, we were happy. Well, he was happy. I was ecstatic. I immediately called the doctor. I was a little exasperated when the receptionist told me very matter-of-factly that it would be six weeks before she could fit me in. I stared at the phone; perhaps she had not heard me right. I was with child. Surely I was more important than all those pap smears and whatever else. Nonetheless I was to wait six weeks.
I went to my confirmation appointment sans my husband, who was working at fever pitch on a project. This was fine; I knew the visit would be routine. It was: Pee here, arm here, feet in these stirrups. The doctor hemmed and hawed her bedside manner left much to be desired. Finally she asked me to get dressed and come into her office.
She had some concerns. My Hcg level wasn't where it should have been and she wanted to do an ultrasound on me right away. I called my husband. I waited. I felt something. They called me for the ultrasound. More hemming and hawing. My husband was on his way. I started to bleed. The doctor said the baby was gone. Just like that.
By the time my husband arrived I was a mess, literally and emotionally. I blamed the doctor, first: She must have done something wrong,” I said when I got back home. But deep down inside, I blamed myself.
I conceived again less than a year later. I looked at the test blankly; my husband saw and acknowledged the two lines. You are pregnant, he said. I said nothing. He took me in his arms. What if it happens again? He held me tight. It won’t.
I insisted on seeing the doctor immediately. A new doctor. Drove an hour out of my way. They said she was the best.
Well, congratulations, she said, smiling. I wasn't. Aren't you happy? she asked. Cautiously optimistic, I replied. Don't worry, she said, patting my hand. Women miscarry all the time and go on to have perfectly healthy babies. I knew that already. I read it on Google. Everything looked good.
A month passed, then two weeks more. Don't tell anyone, I told my husband when I was seven weeks. He did anyway. It'll be fine,” he insisted. “Don't worry. Four more weeks. Three months. Another scheduled ultrasound. My husband stroked my hand as he maneuvered our car in and out of traffic, pushing forward to the doctor’s office. And when we arrived, I put my feet up. This time, I had done my nails. It would be like the movies. I was excited to show the heartbeat. I had seen it the first time. The tech was very chatty. Now, this will be a little cold she said. Pish, posh. I thought, bring it on!
Then she turned the screen away and got very silent. Can we see? I asked. She said it wasn't hospital policy. She would get a doctor for us. She left the room. My heart fluttered; I wished I could hold it still. My husband held my hand, but his face was a mask. Something is wrong, I said. Don't worry, he responded.
Finally, my doctor called us to her office. I'm sorry, she said. Her words came in snippets. I barely heard them. These things happen. There isn't a heartbeat anymore. I can schedule a D&C when you're ready.
I thought I was being stoic. I realized I was weeping only after my husband wiped my tears. He held me close for a while. The doctor left the room, Stay as long as you need, she said. We walked out through the waiting room. A woman smiled at me uncomfortably as she shifted in her chair to accommodate her very obvious pregnancy. I put on my sunglasses.
The whole ride home, I cried. Later, I decided not to do a D&C, thinking maybe the doctor was wrong. I prayed that she was. She was not. I had to leave work early the day it happened. I could barely drive home because of the pain.
I thought I couldn't go through it again. In fact, I didn't want to go through it again. But after a while, the pain dulled and we tried anew. Nothing happened. For a year. Nothing. Finally, I made an appointment with yet another doctor. She was a sistah made me feel at ease with her girlfriend! manner. I told her nothing was happening. She looked at my chart and then she looked at me. “Are you having sex?” she asked. “Uh yeah, which is why I would have expectations,” I responded. She laughed. Believe me, it is not a strange question! I laughed. Six more months. That’s how much more time she wanted me to give it. I agreed. I trusted her.
My period was due two days later. It never came. Two more weeks passed, and still no period. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to get my hopes up with a pregnancy test, but I bought one anyway. It showed up immediately: I was pregnant.
And all the fears and the doubts came flooding in. I held up my hand. No, not this time! I walked to my bed and I knelt down and I told God, that this time I would testify I would tell people how He had given me a gift. I would pray this baby through. I spent the next hour praising God and thanking Him. I would testify, I determined. Then I called my husband.
I gave birth to Sina in 2005.
She is a perfect child.
And I testify as often as I have an audience.
This is my testimony to you.
Ekene Onu is a speaker, lifestyle coach and author of the inspirational book, “Can I Be Real.” When she isn’t giving her uber popular, tell-it-like-it-is styled self-empowerment workshops for African women across the Diaspora, she is serving as creative director of NouveauAfricana.com, which she founded, and working as the editor and principal writer for Ekeneonline.com.
Mom. NY Times bestselling author. Pop culture ninja. Unapologetic lover of shoes, bacon and babies. Nice with the verbs. Founder of the top black parenting website, MyBrownBaby.
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Very inspirational story!
Beautiful story! Thanks for sharing. I am forwarding this to a few friends who will be happy to bask in the light you’ve provided.
Thank you, Ekene, for sharing your story. I am so happy that you were finally able to have the joy of a baby coming into your lives. May you, your husband and Sina have a beautiful life togther.
Thanks for sharing and spreading hope.
Thank you so much for sharing! I shouldn’t be, but I was reading this at work and had to hold back tears! I am right along with you in Praising God for your baby girl!
This was a wonderful testimony!!! Remember God’s delays are NOT God’s denials!!!!! GREAT testimony!!!!
Beautiful story! I have a sister that has endured two miscarriages and is now pregnant a third time. I am sending her your story so that your testimony can help to lift her.
whoo this story gave me chills………… I am so happy for you.
Thank you. This gives me so much hope.
Such a beautiful story! I pray that you and your husband are enjoying each and everyday with Sina. Thank You soo much for sharing your story!
Thanks for sharing. That touched me in a powerful way.
Ekene, thanks a bunch. I had a miscarriage about 3 months ago. I am pregnant again but I am sooooo scared. However, I just prayed like you did. I even prayed during my first pregnancy but I lost it. I comforted myself saying God has a better deal in store for me. I really pray that this one stays with me. Thanks a lot.
Thank you for that testimony . I have had two miscariages in the last four years and now my husband and I are expecting. I just found out, we have mixed emotions because of it. Because of being afraid. But I will shout out and say I believe. I trust God this is His gift and I will not be afraid….
Thank you so much for sharing your testimony. I am now pregnant after a miscarriage and feeling the same fears you expressed. I’ve been so afraid to tell people but your testimony has really helped me out.
I HAD MISCARRIAGE LAST MARCH 29, 2012, AFTER 3 MOS JULY 28 I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT AGAIN. WHEN WE HAD U/S D GIRL SAYS NO BABY FOUND. I WAS VERY SAD BUT WAITED UNTL D OVUM REACH 29 CM , THEN WE HAD ANOTHER U/S, NOW THAT LITTLE OVUM IS A 2 MONTHS OLD BBY. SO DONT GVE UP, KEEP PRAYING COZ GOD KNOWS WATS BEST 4 US.
Thank you for sharing – I was searching on mothers day for a testimony just like yours. My husband and I miscarried over three years ago at 6weeks and we too lost one a few months ago at 9weeks. The last one we found this out in the 12week scan that there was no heartbeat. So many words have been spoken over me to be a mum. I am saying no more miscarriages in jesus name and I trust god to fulfill his promise of children. So blessed to read this as its so similar to our story. X
Loved your testimony.. we are going through with the same situation… pray for us.