Spend My Life With You: Celebrating Black Love With BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com

With all this yapping about the tragically single black woman and how she’ll never, ever find a mate unless she sinks all manner of expectations for black men or goes on the hunt for a white husband, I found this video, produced by Lamar and Ronnie Tyler of the MyBrownBaby website fave BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com, to be absolutely refreshing. Beautiful. And necessary. (And I’m not just saying that because they used one of my favorite songs for the music, or because my husband Nick and I are one of the couples featured. Seriously!) Love and marriage between African American men and women is possible and the Tylers’ video is a testament to the fact that is real. And I’m proud of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com for celebrating it and saying it out loud.

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Denene Millner

Mom. NY Times bestselling author. Pop culture ninja. Unapologetic lover of shoes, bacon and babies. Nice with the verbs. Founder of the top black parenting website, MyBrownBaby.

14 Comments

  1. All I can say after watching this video is “AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL, GIVE ME MORE!”

  2. Beautiful, beautiful couples… so heart warming. Thanks for sharing :).

  3. Thanks Denene for sharing, you know we appreciate it1

  4. Common, be real. Most marriages are full of misery or they end after a few years.
    The worst thing black women can do is hold onto this false hope that they’ll have some blissful happily ever after.
    It ain’t happening. Deal with it.

    • Denene@MyBrownBaby

      Alrighty, Ray—tell us why you mad! I’m sorry that this is the way you look at marriage, but 14 years into one of my own, I CAN look at this video and see the beauty of black love. Is my marriage perfect? Hell no. We’re human, so perfection isn’t an option. But we—like a lot of other black couples we know—are working hard to make our marriages and families work. Sorry if that doesn’t fit into your storyline.

  5. Denene – I’m a new visitor to your site and am so glad I found it. I love this video for so many reasons. First and foremost it is because it is such a beautiful representation of Black marriage, which we see too little of. As a community we have a long way to go to increase the number of Black marriages and children born into them. But the more we can put these positive messages and images out there and model this positive point of view, our families and children benefit. Ray is pretty cynical for sure but I would wager he’s not the only one out there with this attitude. The media bombards us with images that says that we can’t have successful marriages. Total B.S.! But we have to prove otherwise!

    Marriage is hard work. We have to work at it as hard as we would work at our jobs, a favorite hobby or anything we want to be good at. Sadly, I think people get into marriage with the idea that if it doesn’t work out, they can just get divorced. I think those of us who are in good marriages (to the extent we feel comfortable sharing) should also talk about the work we put into our marriages to make them work. Again, we can all in our own small ways be models in our communities.

    Lovely post.

  6. This video is beautiful. My husband is latino, but this video celebrates everything I grew up with *my parents, uncles and aunts, grandparents etc).

    To the previous commentor that said —> “Sadly, I think people get into marriage with the idea that if it doesnt work out, they can just get divorced.” This is so true. We have only been married 4 years next month and we tell people that marriage is precious, but it also takes work. For us, divorce is not an option and more of my generation need to learn that. I distinctly remember getting that lesson from BMWK (a couple in one of their earlier videos)!

  7. I loved the video, but what’s more important is I loved its message! I never met my father and wasn’t even raised by a single Mom, I was raised by my Grandmother and Aunt so for me I never saw a black marriage when I grew up. My husband of 9 years on the other hand, well his Mother and Father just celebrated 40 years of marraige. They raised 3 boys all of whom went to college. With this man who experienced growing up in a solid black family I am now creating a better image than I had for my two children. I see the difference! I do! I see that they are more confident than I was, I see that they are more rounded, I see so much of what I never saw! I feel so blessed to give this to my children and break the cycle I was raised in. I knew this from experiencing it at home. This article and this video says it to the world! Black marriage CAN be happy, Black marrage CAN last and Black marriages CAN be encouraged! Thank you for all you contribute to a better BLACK everything!

    Sincerely,
    Utokia
    http://www.shesgotflavor.com

  8. The Tylers are doing awesome work and I’m so on-board with the movement! I love being married and super love the idea of giving my daughter what I never had: a two-parent household! But beyond that, we’re excited to be her first teachers of what love is. Yes, marriage is hard work…but the return on your investment is priceless!

  9. Can't Find My IBM

    Dear Denene,

    When I watch this video and read your post I want to soooooo badly jump up with loud appause but I can’t. I’ll give you that the video is beautiful and that Black&MarriedWithKids is all kindas awesome but black love and marriage is a mirage in “my experience”. I wish with every fiber of my being that at the age of 43 I could find my IBM (ideal black man) but it just ain’t happening. As an educated professional black woman my pickings have been super slim and for the first time in my life I’m open to dating out of my race.

    It’s frustrating to hear folks say oh I’m going to sell out because I’ve decided to be open to any GOOD man (despite his race) as long as he loves & respects me and we jive on the same morals, ambitions and goals in life. I don’t see what’s so bad about that. It’s easy for those women who have found their IBM to say, girl keep holding on for Mr. IBM b/c he’s going to come. They already have theirs.

    But the reality is the choices are slim. I’ve been working as a financial analyst at a major fortune 500 company for the past 8 years. In the tower that houses my office, there are 52 floors. Day in and day out I run into beautiful black men who are educated and doing their thing and yet not ONE of them has been available. Either some other black woman snagged them, their creeping on their spouses, a white woman got them first or they’re gay. I kid you not! It’s pathetic. In my core group of friends there are 7 of us close girlfriends. I’ve known these ladies for 18+ years. Two of the women got their IBM. Two settled with Dequan & Jamaris (not their real names but you get my point) because they’re getting up their in age & wanted to at least have one baby before it was too late. Of course Dequan & Jamaris do absolutely nothing for their kids so were basically they were just sperm donors. Of the 4 girlfriends left over one is a lesbian, the other just married an indian (from india) man and that leaves myself & one other friend wondering what our fate will be.

    I wish my case was unique, but it isn’t. I run into successful black women everyday at work who give the same exact stories. I guess I’m just tired of people passing judgment on those of us who have said we’ll take a good man of any race because we can’t find the IBM.

    My mom always swears she’s found “the one” for me. So far she’s found for me a gay man (didn’t know he was), a man who said his marriage was over (but hadn’t even told his wife), a man just out of prison (but claimed he’s reformed) and man with 5 kids who thinks he’s going to be Jay-Z one day. LOL If my own mother can’t vet a good man on my behalf then somethings really wrong.

    I’m sorry to vent Denene, it’s just that iCan’t. I really can’t anymore – my faith in finding a good black man may have reached rock bottom. I hope you can understand why.

    Sincerely,

    I can’t find my IBM

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