Postponing Motherhood: Is It Possible To Build A Family and A Career?

I was 27 when I married the man with whom I created two children—at the height of my career as a political reporter-turned-journalist and just as my first book made its way to store shelves. Two years into our marriage, we decided to have children. Each of them was made from love. Wanted. Mari arrived when I was almost 31—Lila three years later, almost to the day. I can honestly say that by the time my second daughter arrived, I was exhausted—working an exacting job as a magazine editor, traveling from state-to-state promoting my published books, writing more books in the middle of the night—later, dealing with the grief of losing my mother and a massive move South and the bold journey to becoming a full-time author and freelance writer. In other words, I built my career while I built my family—something the women from my generation were wont to do. But I saw a shift in the sisters coming right behind me—women who put career-building ahead of family-building, and suggested that I was “rushing” into having kids when I should have been nurturing my burgeoning career as a journalist and author. They wanted love and babies, but not at the expense of the jobs they’d studied for and worked so hard to get. They understood the stakes. Took the chances. And some of them are just fine with their decisions. But some of them, now in their late 30s and 40s, are not.

I was reminded of these sisters and the choices they made when I read, Baby Maybe: How Modern Life Conflicts With Your Baby-Making Body, a thoughtful piece MyBrownBaby favorite Danielle Belton of The Black Snob penned for Clutch. In it, she reminds women that while postponing motherhood is a woman’s absolute right (and sometimes unavoidable), doing so comes with serious consequences:

…some of us will spend our prime “baby making” years single.

And while waiting for your family makes sense as women who start their families in their late 30s/early 40s tend to be more educated, more financially stable, happier with themselves and in healthier relationships, there’s on little hitch. A woman’s fertility rate still drops dramatically during your mid-30s.

While you’re a modern woman, your uterus may as well still be fitted in a loin cloth, living in the Stone Age.

If you’re serious about being a first-time mother you need to learn the truth about fertility. While science has improved and our world is striving towards equality, your womb is still on the same biological schedule as it was back when people got married as teenagers. Don’t let the female celebrities-over-40 baby boom fool you. Complications, fertility drugs, debates over surrogacy are all the reality for many who delay having children – including the uteri of the rich and famous…

If you’re waiting until what you think will be the perfect time to become a mother, I encourage you to read Danielle’s post in its entirety over on Clutch. And for those of you with children, what were your challenges balancing building your family with building your career?

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