So, Insure.com, an online resource for insurance shopping, just released its annual Mother's Day Index, a study that uses Bureau of Labor Statistics data to measure just how much moms would make if we got paid for raising our kids and keeping house and doing all the stuff we moms do. This year, the index pegs our annual salary at, wait for it a whopping $61,436.
Long. Blank. Stare.
According to the study, moms would be paid:
- $6,938 for cooking 14 hours a week, 52 weeks out of the year
- $6,285 for chauffeuring kids 9 hours a week, 52 weeks out of the year
- $20,696 for 40 hours a week, every week of the year for childcare
- $4,888 for cleaning up behind everyone 10 hours a week, every week
- $430 for administering bandages, doling out Tylenol and making soup for sick little ones
- $1,479 for party planning
- $7,140 for tutoring
- $1,580 for grocery shopping
- $620 for balancing the checkbook
- $563 for ground maintenance i.e., weed pulling, flower planting and lawn mowing
- $1,000 for our interior design skills
- $791 for spying on the kids (to make sure they're not killing their fool selves or their siblings)
- $8,726 for summer activity planning
- $300 for hair styling
*Insert image of Denene sucking the back of her teeth and giving a massive side-eye here*
Hell, I can tell you right now that the four hours I spend washing, detangling and twisting Lila's extra curly, super thick, little black girl hair alone is worth at least a cool $10K $2,000 for the labor and another $8,000 in battle pay, easy. And I think Insure.com left off a couple of motherly/wifely duties, too, as detailed in the WANTED: A Wife post I wrote a few months back.
Um, estimates off much? I mean, so far today, I busted suds, cleaned up the remnants of a parent social party for 30 that we hosted this weekend, washed, folded and put away two loads of laundry, made cereal for one kid, dispensed nutrition advice to the other kid, got both girls dressed and off to school, mixed it up with the bus driver, fed and walked the dog, bought groceries for the week, shopped for summer clothes for Lila, had the car serviced and wrote this post. It's 1 p.m. I'm not even going to get into what's coming when the kids get home from school. Add my writing a book proposal and running this blog into the mix, and I'm not looking at sleep until sometime after Jimmy Fallon and the Roots say their good nights.
Taking $61K for the mind boggling amount of work mothers put in each day would be total sucker's pay. My agent Victoria, who regularly clowns me for not asking my worth as a writer, would tell you that quick, fast and in a hurry.
But if I could cop a chick to do what we moms do during the course of the day for $61, 436 a year?
Yeah I'll take two.