I'm almost tempted to ignore the bizarre things that come out of Michele Bachmann's mouth on the philosophy of if you ignore it, it'll go away. Hey, it's worked for Donald Trump. But this Michele Bachmann character has the temperament of a nagging Chihuahua: She just refuses to go quietly into the dark night.
So since she insists on standing in front of microphones and saying the first thing to come to her small, small mind as she marathons on the road to the White House, responsible Americans have the duty to step up and shine a light on the crazy. After all, this is the country that elected Jesse Ventura, Arnold Schwarzenegger hell, Ronald Reagan and the political wreck that was George W. Bush. We don't exactly have the best track record with putting and keeping zany candidates in their place. I'd really like to make Bachmann an exception to the We're America and We Love To Elect the Crazy rule in the next presidential election.
Which brings me to “The Marriage Vow A Declaration of Dependence upon Marriage and Family.” This sterling little document, created by a conservative Christian group in Iowa and signed by Bachmann, asks presidential candidates seeking its support in the upcoming Iowa GOP caucus, to vow, among other things, to ban porn, publicly state that homosexuality is a choice that should be equated with polygamy and adultery, and, of course, vow to do whatever it takes to dismantle abortion rights. Most interesting, though, was the section in which the document said that black families were better off during slavery than they are under the watch of the first black president. Witness this passage:
Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA’s first African-American President.
*Dead Fish Eyes*
I promise you: 19 books in, not even I can make this mess up. But I guess under this creative, romanticized, revisionist history the very kind that Michele Bachmann and her ilk specialize in when it comes to America's past you could make all kinds of arguments about how much better off black people were under slavery. I mean, unemployment rates were zero during slavery, too seeing as when we were slaves and all of us were working and whatnot. Our divorce rates were zero, too. Of course, we had no legal right to marry. And weren't considered human. And I guess one could make the argument that there were a significant number of black two-parent households during slavery if we count the masters who raped and produced babies with their female slaves and forced their own offspring to work alongside their mamas. Until they tired of them and sold them off. You know, like you do cattle or prized hogs.
See what I mean by the crazy?
Of course, after a massive uproar, the Christian group that made up the pledge (nope, I'm not linking to it because they gets NO MyBrownBaby link love for their stance on gay rights, abortion or the black family) removed the controversial slavery passage from the document and issued a half-assed apology. And Bachmann's dumb ass says she didn't read the document in its entirety before she signed it and, therefore, should be excused from criticism.
I've heard defendants try to make those Your Honor, I Know I Signed It, But I Didn't Know That Part Was In There arguments on those afternoon court shows. Judge Hatchett and Judge Mathis don't play that mess. And when it comes to Bachmann's excuse for signing that pledge, we shouldn't either.
This woman has shown time and time again that not only does she not understand the pressing needs for African American mothers and their families, she doesn't give two runny poop diapers about them. Remember: this is the same Mama Grizzly pol who claims to support women's issues, but bizarrely equated First Lady Michelle Obama's proposal to make breastfeeding easier for working moms with a leftist, anti-business conspiracy to form a nanny state. Bachmann is also the fool who said the founding fathers worked tirelessly to abolish slavery (despite that many of them were slave owners), called for a McCarthy-styled investigation into whether liberal Democrats in Congress have anti-American views, claimed carbon dioxide is harmless and that The Lion King was a piece of gay propoganda, and suggested that Melissa Ethridge's cancer battle was a sign that she should repent to God for being a lesbian.
My God, people. We. Must. Speak. Up. About. This. Nut.
Also we must do what we can to establish a record not only of her ridiculous statements, but of accurate historical information about our country, so that even as states like Texas and California try their best to revise the contributions and struggles of people of color in the history books, we can teach our babies better. You know the old saying, Those who don't know their history are doomed to repeat it? Yeah, I'm not trying to get on that bandwagon.
So let me do my part to help Bachmann et. al. with the truth about black families in the time of slavery. I mean, I didn't think that we needed to call on American history professors to break down what happened to us during slavery, but if we actually have so-called leaders out there saying things like black families were better off in slavery, maybe it's time for a national teach in: Slavery was bad for black people. Black people were not happy during slavery. We didn't like it one bit. We were glad when it ended. Only after slavery were black mothers and fathers allowed to marry and have children together without having them sold off to another slave master, never to be seen ever again. Oh, and the South killed a whole lot of white people in their attempt to make sure their system of free labor wouldn't end. And the South lost.
Simplistic? Absolutely. But sometimes, you have to speak reaaaaally slowly for people like Michele Bachmann.
Mom. NY Times bestselling author. Pop culture ninja. Unapologetic lover of shoes, bacon and babies. Nice with the verbs. Founder of the top black parenting website, MyBrownBaby.