Sometimes, your kids need to know you’re a little crazy. I’m a firm believer of this, and I remind Mari and Lila often: “You know your mama’s crazy, right? You better go on ‘head and let your little friends know.” Apparently, I’m not the only parent who thinks this way, as evidenced by the New York City dad who showed up to his daughter’s high school, swinging a chain and padlock in the air, talmbout, “Who’s f*cking my daughter?”
Marinate on that.
Right.
Let’s proceed.
Apparently, Michael Canaii was upset that his daughter was smoking weed and not listening to him, and so he took it to the hallways of the High School of Graphic Communication Arts in New York City, where he stalked the halls, swinging the chain while threatening to fight two students, several security guards and a dean if folk didn’t square up, identify the culprits and put an end to his little girl’s bad behavior. “He was swinging the chain saying, ‘I’m going to f*ck you all up,” a student told the New York Post. Gangsta.
The hulking, 35-year-old dad, dressed in all black and, apparently, in possession of the very drug he didn’t want baby girl smoking, eventually was arrested, briefly hospitalized and then charged with criminal possession of a weapon, menacing and pot possession. He was held in lieu of $5,000 bond or $1,000 cash bail.
Still, Canaii’s aunt, Sondra Williams, insisted her nephew is “a decent father,” and his lawyer says his client went to the school because he was afraid his daughter, who lives with her mom, was involved in gang activity.
While a writer over at The Frisky notes that someone needs to tell Canaii he’s “not in charge of his daughter’s vagina,” the fact is that he is in charge of his daughter and any repercussions that come from her taking drugs, having sex and being in a gang. If there was any confusion about whether the people who love and want the best for her are not okay with bad behavior and would rather she choose a few new friends who will help lead her down a different, less disastrous path, the girl’s father certainly cleared all that up.
Now, I wouldn’t necessarily go up to the school swinging chains, threatening students and vowing to Suge Knight the dean and the entire security team, but I will say in my Chris Rock voice, “I understand.” Chains, weed, dark clothes, threats and curses notwithstanding, we all want the best for our babies and want to hurt those who hurt our own. Perhaps, though, Mr. Canaii might take a little time to consider a few alternatives to getting his kid away from the knuckleheads—maybe a conversation with his daughter? A pow wow with the principal? Introduce the girl to some new friends? Punishment? Take away the cell phone? The iPod? Shut down the Facebook page? And the allowance? Something—anything else?
RELATED LINKS
1. Standing “O” for the Black Dad Who Threatened His Daughter’s Bullies!
2. Even When You Try, Keeping Teenagers From Having Sex In Your Home Can Be Complicated
3. Something Stinks At the Thurgood Marshall School
4. {Let’s Talk about Sex} The Best Ways for Parents to Get Ready for “The Talk””
Denene Millner
Mom. NY Times bestselling author. Pop culture ninja. Unapologetic lover of shoes, bacon and babies. Nice with the verbs. Founder of the top black parenting website, MyBrownBaby.
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It’s easy to fly off the handle, but much harder to behave as a parent that your kids want to model. Weed, chains, & locks…I dunno that sounds like the stuff they carry in gangs.
I am not by any means applauding his behavior…but kids these days seemingly understand drastic measures only. While I don’t have teenagers, I’m baffled at how disrespectful teens can be to not only their parents, but the parents of their peers. The reality of the situation is you have to meet people where they are, and sometimes you have to put a little fear in teenagers so they understand you aren’t playing. SN: Why didn’t he leave his stash at home? That is definitely crazy for you, but I’m sure he made a heck of an impression and they will second guess asking his daughter out to participate in the foolishness.
I feel for this brother as my own brother is in a similar situation. He and his wife divorced years ago. He has ALWAYS been involved, but for the past ten years has been in another state and his ex is just not consciously parenting. He feels so powerless to protect his daughter and guide his son. It’s hard because they don’t even want to come visit him that much because he’s ‘strict’ and they can do whatever they want to do with mom. He feels disconnected and the traditional means of parenting (do what I say) don’t work when you’re not there. You can’t enforce anything and if you don’t have a partner, it can feel like you are just watching your kids ruin their lives.